If you’ve been around the sex blogging blogosphere for long, or around here for long, you’ve no doubt run across the meme that Molly of Molly’s Daily Kiss hosts every February: February Photofest. It is no small undertaking, and it has grown exponentially since she first started it. I have participated every year since the beginning except 2015. In fact, the last photo I took for W was one for the meme while I was separated from him by work commitments – the night before his first stroke, the one that put him in the hospital and was the beginning of the end.
February Photofest is so many things for so many people. It is a celebration, it is a learning experience, it is a chance to explore or to push boundaries. Sometimes, for me, it was a way to connect across the miles with W, as when I was in California, tending to my mom while her mother’s health was failing. It was a way to bring myself back to this space, a way to reconnect with myself, after W died. It was a way to force me to be here, to be present, in this space that meant so much to me, and to him. To renew myself and my enthusiasm for so many things that I had lost.
And now, this year? I’m not sure what it is to me. I’m looking forward to it. But I have no idea how I will approach it. I’ve always considered a “picture-a-day” to mean “a picture taken that day.” In other words, that I was physically taking a picture and posting it every day. I haven’t always been successful at that, and at times it has even been a little stressful. But not all stress is bad stress. Was it bad stress? I don’t know. I know it gave me focus, and a reason to get up and do something, every day.
I’ve thought about posting old Scavenger Hunts that W and I and Ad did, from before. I have enough – seriously – for the entire month of February. But I’m still a little tender there, not quite sure I can manage to go through that every day and not fall into melancholy. February/March is the bad time, after all. But perhaps it would be a fitting tribute.
So. I am on the fence about how to approach it. Even at this late date, when, by all rights, I should have it all planned out for the month ahead.
Ha. Do ya’ll know me? “Planning is my middle name…” Until it’s not. Until I start writing by the seat of my pants.
But the one thing I do know: I’ll be here, posting (hopefully) every day in February.