I’m sitting here at my computer in my 3rd-story room, looking out over the dark city streets, while Ad and Felix slumber in my bed. We have had a full weekend already, with yet another day of fun planned, but I am unable to sleep. I hope three fingers of Fireball and this posting will give me some respite.
Ever since the prompt for the last Kink of the Week, I have been – carefully – sorting through images of the ocean/beach vacations I have taken. So many beaches, so much life lived. So much joy.
And, looking at the ones with W, so much… Not sorrow, but…I don’t know. Nostalgia. Longing for what might have been; for what was lost. I look at those images and I can almost feel my hands cupping that beloved face; almost see his grin, still see the love shining in his eyes.
Is it healthy to be doing this? I don’t know. Sometimes I think, if I had what I truly want and need, these images wouldn’t have their power over me. I wouldn’t be longing for something I no longer have.
Anyway. Maudlin meanderings brought on by too much Fireball maybe?
Still, I want to post these here. An homage to the ocean, to the power it holds over me. Some naughty, some nice.
Our First Kinky Cruise
Maybe the first that we all went on together…I can’t recall. But damn I loved that pink cowboy hat. And my guys. Always, my guys.
Another beach – Northern California. Alone
Eluethera, Our Last Trip Together
The Outer Banks, W and My Last Trip Alone
My sister and I, Dauphin Island, after W passed
Adam & I in Mexico
Last night, starting this post, there were so many feelings…conflicting…
But now, I don’t know. I’ve come back to a place of… I don’t know. Loving the ocean. No matter who is in my life. The ocean is my love.