This is my medicated life

Well, not really. This is the addendum to K&P. What came “after.” I don’t have the heart to post it there, to see all that was, every time I come here, so I have created this space. I don’t know what the future of this space is. Will I one day want to post kinky stuff, sexy stuff?

Will I ever be sexy or kinky again?

Adam and I had sex tonight. The second time since all this started more than two months ago. I came, and I cried.

I don’t know how to make a new start.

Tomorrow is W’s memorial. This is not the “official” one, with his family, that will happen sometime later on Cape Cod, where he will be buried. I am not invited to that one. This is for “us” – me, Ad, my daughter and son, all his kinky friends. The people and life they are trying to erase. But they can’t take our memories and the love we shared and the joy we made away from us.

We moved out of the house last weekend. Yesterday they – his son and daughter – sent a list of demands for items of his they believe I have, along with an eviction letter. The items included the key to the storage unit where we put all his kink stuff when he was incapacitated, as he had requested we do, as well as all intellectual property – images and video.

I’ll be damned if I am giving that to them unless a court orders me to do so. I know he didn’t want them to have them, and I am certain they are not listed in his will.

I have lost 20 pounds I didn’t need to. I only got out of bed two days ago since I learned of his death – it happened on March 23. I learned of it via the newspaper obituary on March 29. His family didn’t even bother to notify me when he died, and I never got to say goodbye.

I am on anti-depressants, I take sleeping medicine every night and occasionally anti-anxiety meds, and am trying to feel normal again.

This is my medicated life.

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